It was and 11am start which is ridiculously early for me, due to unhealthy habits its rare I get up before midday so getting up early and travelling to a part of London I don’t know was hard work, I got my two litres of water which was a lot to carry and got lost finding the venue. Very lost intact. I felt stressed and exhausted and not ready for an ‘ordeal.’
The lady holding space seemed lovely as did the three other women who would be partaking in the medicine. I felt scared, we did an opening circle and some breathing exercises but to be honest I found it really hard to feel centred, to feel grounded. I felt nervous and stressed and a bit angry.. perhaps its because I had pmt. But I wasn’t feeling good and was looking forward to it been over. I am a skeptical person and although everything I had read about Kambo was that its very beneficial for your health I couldn’t help but worry it would make things worse, I have had such low energy for weeks now and felt really very unwell.
I felt slightly socially awkward, I think because I was skeptical and couldn’t relax into it, but I had committed to been there and decided I was going to do it, there was no backing out now. When it came to my turn three little holes were burned into my right ankle, I squealed even though it wasn’t very painful, I was feeling very sensitive. One drop of medicine was put on, the pain was excruciating, I began crying, but they weren’t just tears from the physical pain, they were tears from the emotional pain to Charlie who was holding space handed me tissues, I felt gratitude at this act of kindness. I cried and I cried and I cried. loudly and without shame, at this point one of the other girls was vomiting. I cried loudly and it felt good to let it out, I then began to vomit, I felt my whole face go numb. The blood rush quickly to my head and I felt a bit like I was going to die and I projectile vomited into a bucket. Charlie approached me with more medicine to put on my wounds, I tried to tell her I didn’t think I could handle more. The thought of more medicine sounded horrific, but she told me I needed the full dose for the experience. It burned so much I tried to breath into it. I vomited and vomited and had to keep forcing down more water so there was something to vomit up. The water I was puking out was luminous yellow. I knew I couldn’t stand. I felt like I needed the toilet but had no idea how I would get there, Charlie was amazing and helped me stand up and walked me to the toilet, sat down and projectile vomited so much it went on to my trousers, I took them off and put my blanket round me I sat on the toilet, shaking frantically vomiting and pooing. I felt terrible.
When I was ready Charlie helped me get back into the main space took the medicine off my ankle, she put some dragons blood on top to help it heal. I was so cold she gave me an extra blanket but I still couldn’t stop shaking.I put on all of my clothes and my coat and continued to shake, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so cold. We then closed the circle and had some fruit. I felt awful and disorientated. The tube home was challenging I felt scared and I was so sensitive to energy, I felt os vulnerable been out on the streets of London, the boots I was wearing were not practical for my burns, I was in so much pain all the way home. I got home and luckily John my ex partner I mentioned in my last blog was able to give me cuddles. I was so grateful as I really needed to be a bit looked after, after that ordeal, I was very sensitive, weak and exhausted and really did need a person to be there for me. To bring me food and water. I felt totally spaced out, I felt skeptical still, perhaps this was a waste of time and hasn’t helped, I certainly didn’t feel a desire to do it again anytime soon. Moving exhausted me. I slept well that night and the next morning woke up early and full of life, I went to the gym and loved every moment of it, I found myself wanting to be kind generous and help people in whatever way I could, I found myself more giving and loving and with so much gratitude for everything in my life, past fears felt lifted. I was living very much in the moment.
I had so much energy I cooked several healthy meals to share, tidied and reorganised my house and did two sessions, both of which I was able to put a lot of energy into. I felt amazing. Kambo really did seem to have re energised me in a way I didn’t think possible. It is now thursday 2 days since the medicine and I am still feeling great, and like if I keep feeling like this I definitely want to do it again, I feel far more physically and mentally well in myself which is incredible. So far it feels like a miracle cure I feel a new passion for life that I haven’t felt for a while.